Indiana: James 4:6

It's unbelievable that this semester is already coming to an end. I've been here for 4 months now and have to admit that I have found my place here. I thought I would never say this, but it's a bitter-sweet feeling to go back to California for the next 3 months. Of course, I absolutely can't wait to see my family and friends but I also found a sense of ownership/belonging in what God has brought me into here in Indiana. As for now, I'll be back in California during the summer for an internship (Even though I'm still waiting for them to get back to me. Please pray for my internship).

Well anyways, since there is only a few weeks left until Finals week, I'm probably going to be busier than ever before. So here's another post before that "study-like-no-tomorrow" train arrives (actually, if there was no tomorrow, I would just quit studying today hahaha). So God has been continually teaching me things and showing me His mercy and love even though I have been disobedient to His teachings many times. To be more specific, the desires of my flesh dominate the desires of the Spirit, which is a clear RED warning light that I need to seek the Lord even more. The funny thing is that when this warning light starts blinking in my life, I start giving in to the desires of my flesh more, instead of seeking God.

I think the root of this is pride. Oh, how I hate pride, yet I don't (my flesh). The desire of flesh tries to give in to pride in every opportunity it gets. One of my form of pride comes out through holding onto things and not letting them go to God. Trying to use my human knowledge and thinking I can resolve a situation without even thinking about what God can do. And sometimes it works, for the moment. Then I get even more prideful because I did it on my own! And then I find myself asking questions like... "Why do I need to pray for such little things that I can do on my own? Is it even worth praying to the Almighty God? He deserves "BIGGER" prayer request/problems than that, right?" How foolish I was to ask these questions because of my pride.

But God is STILL patient with me. He CONTINUALLY showed His love and grace to me until it came to a point where He had to humble me out of love. Even though it was out of love, it was very painful, yet humbling. On Wednesday, I had done nothing unusual and ate nothing different than what I eat everyday. But that night, around 3AM, I woke up with one of the worst stomach pains ever. I got up and ran into the bathroom to go #3 (If you don't know what #3 is... #1 pee, #2 poo, #3 another form of poo). That was just the beginning. I started feeling extremely sick and felt like throwing up so I grabbed a trashcan while I was sitting on the toilet. Then I started sweating like an iced tea on a summer day while I was feeling cold, yes COLD, with a throbbing headache. It reminded me of my mission trip to Kolkata, India 2 years ago and it was one of the most helpless moments I've ever faced in my life. I was considering calling a good friend of mine, but I realized something else. I realized that there was NO way this could just randomly happen to me except one of these two reasons:

#1 Spiritual Attack
#2 God wanted to humble me

So I started praying like my life depended on it (literally) and asked God to come and heal me. It was one of the most desperate prayers I've prayed. I sat on my toilet and I had completely surrendered myself to God because I had no other way/form of help. After about an hour, I was finally able to get myself to go back to sleep.

I woke up that morning as if everything that happened was just a dream. Felt absolutely fine. Felt no headache. No sign of fever, cold, or flu. Not a single pain on my body. I got down on my knees and started thanking God for the healing. He led me to Psalms 73 to tell me why He had allowed this to happen. 


From verse 2 it reads, 
"But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; 

   I had nearly lost my foothold. 

³ For I envied the arrogant    when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
   their bodies are healthy and strong. 
⁵ They are free from common human burdens; 
   they are not plagued by human ills. 
⁶ Therefore pride is their necklace

  They have no struggles "

Out of His love, God wanted to humble me. In Psalms 73, the writer tells us that these prideful people were super health and strong without any kind of illness or burdens and they have no struggle, which is why they are prideful. But 'God opposes the proud and shows favor to the humble' and God will humble those who don't humble themselves, like myself, because He loves us. It was an extremely humbling experience I had gone through and I thank the Lord that He had brought me into humility. I realized that God wants us to pray for everything and anything. Big or small! God is a God of the universe and the God of our personal matters. He wants us to depend solely upon Him. So let go of your pride and let Him take control. Take a step of faith. He's God!

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5