Indiana: a simple reminder of grace

It's been almost 2 weeks since I posted my last entry so I think it's about time to update my blog. But I have no idea where to start because there has been so many things that happened. I feel like my schedule is getting busier and busier each and every day, which I think has both pros and cons to. I think blogging helps me organize my thoughts that are all over the place and helps me to see the big picture.

So here I go... Let's start with Valentine's Day. Even though Shannon and I got to celebrate Valentine's while she was here in Indiana, I still ordered flowers to get delivered to her house on the actual day. I also got her a "Valentine's Serenade Gram" that they were selling at my school, which is where one of the performing arts students (singers) sings a love song of your choice to your Valentine through the phone. I thought it was very creative so I bought one for her, which she thought was hilarious. Anyways, while we were skyping that day, I got a package delivered to my dorm and it was Shannon's V-day present for me. It was so sweet of her because it was exactly what I wanted! It had a iTunes giftcard, David Crowder CD, and the book, "Forgotten God" by Fracis Chan.

Sorry I don't know why the picture uploaded sideways.

I'm really enjoying the book, "Forgotten God". It's about the Holy Spirit and what the power of the Holy Spirit can do and I've been trying to be more sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit. I still have a lot to read, which I'm super excited about. I'm usually not a big reader but recently, I really enjoy reading before going to bed.

Last Friday night, one of the guys from my small groups hosted a game night at his place. I really felt like I needed this to get to know them better just through some fun and games. It was a wonderful fellowship time and I thank God for this opportunity. Shannon actually helped me to see this. She was telling me that sometimes that's exactly what you need in order to feel more comfortable with the group so that you can share at a deeper level since you have that trust established. I really do feel much more comfortable around them and starting to feel at home around them. Praise the Lord! 

God has been so gracious and loving to me everyday, even though I don't see it at times. He's been continually been sending people to me who have been such a huge encouragement to me. Last Wednesday, one of my classmates from my program asked me if I wanted to room with him next year. He a super friendly, nice, funny, and smart guy. He already passed 2 actuarial exams. When he asked me, the first thing that came to my mind was... why me? There are handful of other guys in the program that he's known longer than me who are just awesome guys, but I didn't understand why he had asked me. I really felt like I didn't deserve this, in some ways, because it's more than what I asked for. 

Through this, I was reminded of the true grace of God again - a gift from God we don't deserve. There is nothing we have done, nor can ever do to earn this favor. It is a gift from God. Not just the Valentine's gifts, gift of getting closer to my small groups/classmates, nor the gift of a roommate for next year, but the gift of eternal life that He provided through Jesus Christ. The saving grace. Thank you Lord for the reminder of your amazing grace. And also, thank you for providing me a roommate for next year, which I didn't even expect or ask for. I couldn't stop thanking God for His goodness and the verse in Ephesians 3:20-21 could not have spoken to me more clear than this moment, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." 

Thank you, Lord!

Indiana: Get back up again!

I've been so busy with studying, school work, and church stuff. I haven't updated this in awhile AGAIN, but I finally found some time to update about my life here in Indiana. I don't even remember where I left off last time I blogged. I've definitely gotten a LOT more adjusted and used to the flow of things - people, weather, food. I've also got to meet some really awesome people from my church small group. In particular, there is one guy who's been such a good brother to me. He really had a compassionate heart towards me and understood how hard it was for me to adjust to the place and people here. So he frequently called me up to check up on me to see how I was doing and invited me to grab meals with him, go work out with him, or even just hang out with him. He's offered so much help and been such a huge encouragement to me. And there are even more people like him in my small group and I finally felt like I found the people I can trust and be comfortable around. My small group leader is also an amazing guy himself. I can really see that He loves God with all his heart. He's truly a man of God, who doesn't fear man. I thank God so much for teaching me many things from many brothers in my small group.

Well anyways, besides meeting more people and studying, Shannon actually came to visit me with Alice last Thursday for the weekend because Alice's friend (Erin) had a baby shower. I had an awesome time with her and we got to celebrate early Valentine's here since I won't be with her on the actual Valentine's Day. We also played Dance Central 2 at Erin's house, which was actually REALLY fun. I was telling Shannon that Joe would be really good at this game since it's not really about how well you dance, but how much you get into the game HAHAHHAA. Anyways, I also showed her around the campus and went around the city (even though there was literally nothing much to do hahaha), but it didn't really matter what we did because we got to spend some good quality time together. We also went down to Indianapolis on Sunday to hang out at the Super Bowl Village on Super Bowl Sunday, but it was really crowded and parking was $80-$100 everywhere we went. So we just drove around the village slowly and also the traffic served us to our advantage to have more time to look around while driving. 

After I took her to the airport and said goodbye, I felt extremely sad, to be honest. It was so hard to say goodbye and I felt really lonely again. But I realized that the enemy was really using this to bring me down again so I prayed and asked God for help. As I was reading the Word, God answered my prayer and led me to Psalm 34:18-19, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all." God could not have given me any better verses to uplift my soul again than these 3 verses. I thanked the Lord for His goodness in my life again and I had found my rhythm again. The Lord has been so gracious and loving to me, especially since I've been here in Indiana. Even through the loneliness and being stripped out of my comfort zones, I really encountered the love of God. To be really honest, in the last couple weeks, I had experienced one of the loneliness and most difficult times in life. I felt like I was becoming more of a coward than I ever had been. My inner man was becoming weaker and weaker every day. I had so much fear, worries, stress, and anxiety. I saw my fear of man coming out of myself again, being so worried about what people think and say. Stressing over my future and career. Meaningless worries running through my head. I didn't even have any motivation to study or even eat. So I had absolutely no other hope than to turn to God for help. When I had completely surrendered and given up everything to Him, I suddenly had one of the greatest God encountering experience in that moment. I had realized that He loved me SO much during those times and wanted to completely break me only so that he can mold me and make me into a greater man of God. And I know that He is not done with me yet. So as I continue to strive and fight the good fight as I speak, I am learning to completely let go and let Him take control. But that doesn't mean doing nothing with my life and just sit there waiting for something to happen. It means following after the heart and will of God no matter how difficult it may be. It's not easy. I know that the enemy is going to do everything he can to stop me. He might even beat me down at times, but I'm going to get back up and keep running hard after God. It reminds me of the quote from Rocky Balboa, "... it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward."

Get Back Up - Toby Mac